B13: The day when we will understand LOVE.

 

Love is an art and you are the artist so craft your own romance. 

Source: Success Magazine

The day when we will understand LOVE

  “Let’s talk about love”

LOVE and ROMANCE are something we all want to have in our life, people who have it already wants to keep it forever and those who don’t, they keep seeking it forever. Now what is love and why do we crave it so much?

So, our very favorite Wikipedia says that “Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure.  Most commonly, love refers to a feeling of strong attraction and emotional attachment. 

Love is considered to be both positive and negative, with its virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection, as "the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another" and its vice representing human morals, flaw akin to vanity, selfishness, amour-propre, and egotism, as potentially leading people into a type of mania, obsessiveness or co-dependency.”

In short, we want someone to be attracted and affectionate towards us but also this feeling should be mutual. Not all of us are fans of one-sided love, are we though? Love isn’t about love at first sight, or like the one we read or watch in which people with good features just happen to fall in love. It is more than that. Love is what you feel and not what you have heard. 

It isn’t like we are deprived of love our entire life. There is love in a parent-child relationship, siblings, friends, pets, and their caretakers, etc. But why are we so desperate to have it from a random or strange person? Just because we read it in a book or watched it in a movie! I personally believe that we have standardized love according to what we have watched in a movie or read in a book. No doubt we were introduced to the concept of love from these sources but we made the definition of love according to that itself. 

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PS: I just loved this picture.

For eg.: You were said that when you fall in love, winds blow fast around you, flowers and petals are flying around, music starts playing in the background, and whatnot. So when you are searching for love you actually search for these signals and not follow the actual hints; your heart beats, your intuition, your inner voice, your actual feelings towards the person. We tend to ignore it because we were not taught to feel and understand what we feel. 

We have hyped LOVE. LOVE IS OVERRATED. Maybe because it’s hard to find. But is it really? Now imagine you happen to know a person, the person can be your peer, class/roommate, friend, or a random person you just started to talk to. You know them and they know you, doesn’t matter if you do not know them completely because even after years and years of marriage or relationship people end it by saying, “I don’t think you know me enough to do this”, “You don’t understand me” and etc, etc. You now happen to like that person mostly due to the person’s preference, personality, looks, and any other reasons. You find yourself comfortable around them, you are affectionate and passionate about the relationship you have with that person. You are used to them. But now, the thing is what to do with all these feelings and emotions towards a person, only because all these words used to express what you are feeling resemble the definition of love, will you label it as love? And let’s consider you decide to do that but then you compare it with what you have read or watched, “I don’t feel like maybe I can’t live without this person”, “I don’t think I will give up my life and career for this person but I really like him/her/they”, “I am not sure if this is love because I don’t see myself fighting goons or taking bullets for this person”, “I like this person and like to spend time with them but I don’t know if it is love because I haven’t read or watched somewhere things being so simple, love being a simple concept like what I have with this person”, and after repeating and comparing your feelings for a particular human being with all the definitions and explanations about love by ancient people or a third person, you decide what you have is or is not love!

Imagine if you compared it wrong, you might lose your love or might end up with the wrong one, just imagine! My only concept here is to let us not fall or follow what is pre-written or what is pre-defined. Do not look out for something that everyone is looking for. Do not even do what I am saying. Just remember that you have a brain of your own to think and a heart of your own to feel. If you feel something good about someone or something which might be love according to you, talk to that person and get things in shape. If they feel the same back, good for you, and if not then that person isn’t the only one in this world. 

You can fall in love multiple times because come on see the number of people in this world, you can come across a lot of such people whom you might like/love. So never lose hope on not finding one, you will get what you deserve, and once you do make sure you deal it with care because nothing is more delicate than relationships. Now you just have to be verbal and clear about your terms before you take big steps. There’s no compulsion of sacrificing, adjusting, or compromising in a relationship. For a smooth life with your love you both have to do what makes your own selves happy because until you aren’t happy, you cannot make the other person happy. And if you think you are sacrificing something for love, it is not a sacrifice, it is just how you love and if you still think it, make sure you communicate it with your partner. 

It is your love, your relationship, and your feelings, enjoy it on your own terms.  Love is just a normal emotion like any other one. We can have our own standards of love. You can love someone and not be ready to sacrifice and adjust because self-comfort is important, you can love someone and not be ready to take a bullet because you love yourself and your life, you can love someone and still can live without them, you can love someone and still not like their few habits, you can love someone and still not want to be with them, you can love someone and still…... 

Love is best expressed through Romance, ain’t it?

“Romance refers to the actions and feelings of people who are in love, especially behavior which is very caring or affectionate.”

Think for a second about what an ideal form of romance you expect in your life? Now think is it possible to make it happen? Now think can your relationship survive without it? Now think if your partner, the person you love doesn’t have the same preference for them it is something else, then what? Relationship ended? Or your love is wrong? 

Source: We heart it

I am no anti-love or anti-romantic person. I don’t hate or dislike or disagree with the concept of love and romance, I was practically raised with it. Watching romantic movies for fun and entertainment is one thing and searching for such things in real life is different. I wonder how many people have actually lost so much because of it. One partner expects another one to take them on a date on a beach, under the sky, with candles around and decorations and waiters serving them but in reality, they go on a date on a local dhaba. Why? Because this is what they could afford. Similarly, there are various examples of it. We tend to forget what is possible, affordable, and dreamable.  There’s no harm in imagining and being willing to have what you have seen or read but getting yourself disheartened because of not having it is wrong. 

Just because you see some couple posting their “couple goals” through pictures, videos, and posts, it urges a feeling in you to come into a relationship and do what they are doing. So take a pause and think why do you want to come into a relationship? What type of relationship you would want? If romance is expressing your love and emotions towards your partner, then what would you really want from them and what would you do to express it? 

I did a very small research and asked people about what they think of love and romance, the answers I most got were about the “Little Things”, we do for each other. The respect, caring, supporting, cuddling, understanding, and helping each other. These things appear to be small but they are the biggest and most important things in a relationship where love is involved. You don’t need to promise of bringing stars for your partner or buy big buildings, you just need to communicate and be there for your love. I don’t know why our generation is so influenced by all these things we see or hear or read, influenced by the actions of others, there’s just no originality. 

If you can’t afford a trip to Europe for your anniversary, have a trip to the place you can and enjoy it because the reason is the same and the person is the same. You don’t need to dance on a running train or a bus, on the street with musicians playing songs for you and have your proposals, you can have it in your way. Maybe if your partner likes ice cream take them to a nearby ice cream parlour and propose with a cup of ice cream, if you can afford more then get creative in it. You are proposing or celebrating with your partner, so make it your way, do a thing which you both like, have your own thing, maybe a “Pani Puri” date or a “trip to the nearby tourist location”, “Playing ball” or “While cleaning your house”. Make your own romance. Build your own standards, you don’t need to follow what others do until you really want to and that you both can afford it. And when I say afford, I not only mean money but other factors such as time. Can your partner spend a day or hours or days for this romantic adventure you are planning? Doing something just because others did, is not romance. 

When you are in a relationship or when you get in, you do that because you thought you were in love. You called that person your life and world. But then what happened? A bubble you formed burst? Why does it happen? Usually, it happens because we try to follow what we know we should but not what we feel, and tend to make such mistakes. And rather than accepting it, we start defaming the other person. It is fine to have a failed relationship, it is fine to be heartbroken, it is fine to be wrong. Maybe this person wasn’t just the one. But as I said there are many people in this world, and your possibility to fall in love is high. Try to mend things whenever possible, do what is good for both of you, walk off if it helps you and is important to you, wait for the right person, don’t live a heartbroken life, don’t try to end your life, move on, get things straight, do what is ideal for you, don’t make this “Love” a big thing in your life, it is just a part of your life, deal it as it is supposed to. We are not living a ROM-COM, we have to work and grow and live for more than just two hours right? 

Love is a very subjective concept you know. It is different for everyone, maybe try to get the person with whom your concept matches. Be positive, happy, accept NO, say NO to what you are not comfortable with, and say YES to what is good for you. Do what you feel but don’t hurt anyone in that process. Be vocal and communicate. Be original and don’t fall for all the stereotypes this world has made. 

Love as you want!

They asked me, ‘What is love?”
I was mute as I was not sure,
Closing my eyes, I thought about,
What makes me happy, what feels safe,
I don’t want my Jack to sink for me,
I don’t want my Veer to be prisoned,
I don’t want to change for my Rahul,
I don’t want to wait for my 365 letters,
Love is infinite, love is scarce, 
It is yours, so feel it as you wish it.

- By,

Humaira Kazi.